Its weird to think that just a few months ago I was still living in the Central Coast of California, where I had lived my whole life. Every person that I knew was there, my friends and family, as well as ex-boyfriends, teachers, dentists, you get my drift. Of course I had traveled (I’m not the kind of person that can sit still for very long), but just in general, I had never really been too far outside of my little box. Never had I even spent a holiday away from my family, nope, not ever. Now fast forward to the present, I’m quite literally a thousand miles from home in Vancouver Washington. My boyfriends mother lost her job and had to transfer up here, I had a choice to make, follow him & his family up here and leave my whole life behind and start anew, or let him stay with me in a podunk California town and always wonder what could have been. I mean hell, I had barely turned 18, and now I was making major life decisions. Totally scary, am I right? My dad (whom is my hero) sat me down and told me that he would respect whatever I did but begged me to think it through.
You see, I am the fifth of six kids, my parents split when I was very young and my younger brother had moved away with my mom when he was about 14, so I was the last of my dads youngest babies to still be in town, and he has a blood condition that makes it difficult for him to travel long distances, so this would be harder on him then anyone. That hurt me most too, that fact that my dad has relied on me for a long time to be the strong, bull headed, independent girl that I had become (no thanks to him, which I thank him for often), was now forced to watch me fly away. I tended to keep everyone grounded, put my older brothers and sisters in place when they forgot just how much our dad had sacrificed so that we could be happy (we were lower middle class, my dad being the only functional parent while my mother was a drug addict, worked exceptionally long hours to keep us fed and clothed, which was difficult with my completely diva sisters). But it was time for his little girl to become the woman he knew I should be. So I did it, I moved, far, far away.
My stars, it was difficult. First of all, you know how people joke about it raining up here all the time? Yeah, not so much of a joke. It is still raining pretty late into May. Yikes, I mean, back home in Cali, they only got three showers this year. Second of all, I am a social queen. I love people, to be around them, with them, to listen (something I get from my dad). Anyway, I had like no friends up here (which isn’t the case anymore because, like, I’m me. I have my own glamorous gravitational pull, people). My best friend in the whole Universe, Wiley, begged on his knees for me not to go, so when I left, he was so mad that he would barely talk to me, which exacerbated my pain and lowliness (thankfully we are better and in a way it has totally made him respect me more, and out friendship has become so much stronger). So there I was, cold (literally, its like 40 degrees here all the damned time), and lonely, struggling to feel good about the decision I had made. But I don’t wallow, no, I was taught better. If I wanted to make this a positive change, I had to make it that way.
There lay my moment.
That moment where it comes to me.
This is my time. I’m young, I’m smart, and damn it, I’m going to make this situation work. How? Oh, don’t be silly, I’m going to show Vancouver just who the hell I am and take them by storm. So I did what I do best, I was outlandishly charming. Yes, I winked, smiled, and dazzled the pants off of anyone who happened to be around. Oh my, it sounds like I might be tooting my own horn a bit. Oh well, this blog is more about me then it is you, right?
I also remembered how much I LOVE to read. So I bought a Kindle Fire (which I totally in every way adore) and I started reading, like literally 3 or 4 books a day. And cooking, I did SO much cooking. Poor Alex (my boyfriend) he had to eat SO much (like he was complaining). Now, I’m so happy that it makes me sad to think that I ever thought that I doubted myself and my choices. I’ve embraced the rain, letting it make me feel clean and artistic. I take pictures all of the time because, you see, even with all of the grey skies, flowers still bloom, trees still grow tall, nature doesn’t care that this weather is depressing, it simply must go on, otherwise it would fail. I feel empowered by that. I think you should too.
So there you go. I went to totally outside of my box. Took a leap, and landed safely on my feet. How kickass is that? So if I had to give some advise, here it goes, stop being afraid. Stop hiding away. Guess what? We are all afraid, but those people that you see being happy and grabbing the bull by the horns, they got over being scared and went with it. You can too. Be fierce, always.